Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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