I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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