An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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