I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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