We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize