The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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