Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
