I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My ATM looks so different sober.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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