The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
