rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
