Rock
Scissors
Fuck
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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