Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just had sex on a roof
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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