just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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