420 ftw
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize