omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
