You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
