Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
