Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
