Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
