and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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