I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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