No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
