sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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