I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
