Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
