they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
