I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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