haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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