On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
