Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
