Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
dude. I can hear the air.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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