Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
