he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
pop tarts are not kleenex
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
