I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
