i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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