why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize