I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
