look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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