if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
