I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
