the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
