You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
