There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
