I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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