Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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