Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize