I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
