hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
