i just sent this text using only my big toe
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
