1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
