Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize