I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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