Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
