My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
