I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
