no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
