That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
