Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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