A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
