She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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