Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
