Please, let me fuck your mom
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
