Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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