Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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