she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
