If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
