You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
