whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I am naked and annoyed.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
