I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize